I'm feeling better. At least I can function without sobbing at the moment.
NaNoWriMo is coming up, and I'm psyched. I gave up last year, but I'm determined to make it all the way to 50,000 words this year. I have a protagonist, Pilar MacKinnon, who I'm exceptionally interested in, a few supporting characters coming out of the woodwork, and the faintest inkling of a plot. And it's still two weeks before I start writing!
Who wants to be my writing buddy?
Monday, October 15, 2007
Sunday, October 14, 2007
A month later...
...I'm back, with an existential crisis.
It is 11:15 pm. I should be in bed, sleeping. But I'm not. I'm awake, on the couch, in the dark, with my fiance asleep in the next room, the cat purring behind me and the my beloved MacBook the only light in the room. And my feverish typing the only noise.
Why, do you ask, am I doing this to myself? Because I am in crisis. I don't know what the heck I'm doing with my life.
I should clarify. I don't know what the heck I'm doing with my professional life.
I should clarify further. I know what I want to do with my professional life. The problem is that no one else seems to know what to do with it.
Here is the situation. I work for a charter school in the Rio Grande Valley. (Think Texas. Then think Mexico, but in Texas.) I love the organization that I work for and (most of the time) I love the people I work with. Intelligent, dedicated, passionate, enlightened people. A non-discrimination policy for sexual orientation. A mission and vision centered around educational equity and social justice.
So why am I complaining?
Because no one seems to give a flying fuck that I exist!
I work really, really hard at my job, which is coordinating assessments and achievement data for the district. But the problem is, I do it a little too well. So well that I think a lot of folks in the organization have started to minimize how essential it is--and consequently, how essential I am.
I am working for someone who, while a delightful and intelligent and highly capable individual, has a working style that is the polar opposite of mine. Which I could learn to live with, if I actually felt she was the appropriate manager for my position. It seems to me, however, that the area of "Testing" should fall under the umbrella of "Curriculum." Not of "Federal Programs."
Call me crazy.
My manager doesn't really know anything about what I do, and most of what I do isn't even related to what she does. I work much more closely with our Chief Academic Officer (my manager's manager) and with our Director of Curriculum. A lot of times, I feel like things were structured this way just to have someone who's anal retentive babysit me.
I'm sorry I don't use a different colored pen for every day of the week.
All of this is coming to a head, of course, because my dying grandfather told me he's proud of me today. And I really, really, really want to live up that expectation. But no one is letting me. I get menial tasks to do, no assistance so that I can be working on higher priority jobs, and no one has expressed more than passing interest in my professional development.
I hate my job. But I WANT to love it.
It is 11:15 pm. I should be in bed, sleeping. But I'm not. I'm awake, on the couch, in the dark, with my fiance asleep in the next room, the cat purring behind me and the my beloved MacBook the only light in the room. And my feverish typing the only noise.
Why, do you ask, am I doing this to myself? Because I am in crisis. I don't know what the heck I'm doing with my life.
I should clarify. I don't know what the heck I'm doing with my professional life.
I should clarify further. I know what I want to do with my professional life. The problem is that no one else seems to know what to do with it.
Here is the situation. I work for a charter school in the Rio Grande Valley. (Think Texas. Then think Mexico, but in Texas.) I love the organization that I work for and (most of the time) I love the people I work with. Intelligent, dedicated, passionate, enlightened people. A non-discrimination policy for sexual orientation. A mission and vision centered around educational equity and social justice.
So why am I complaining?
Because no one seems to give a flying fuck that I exist!
I work really, really hard at my job, which is coordinating assessments and achievement data for the district. But the problem is, I do it a little too well. So well that I think a lot of folks in the organization have started to minimize how essential it is--and consequently, how essential I am.
I am working for someone who, while a delightful and intelligent and highly capable individual, has a working style that is the polar opposite of mine. Which I could learn to live with, if I actually felt she was the appropriate manager for my position. It seems to me, however, that the area of "Testing" should fall under the umbrella of "Curriculum." Not of "Federal Programs."
Call me crazy.
My manager doesn't really know anything about what I do, and most of what I do isn't even related to what she does. I work much more closely with our Chief Academic Officer (my manager's manager) and with our Director of Curriculum. A lot of times, I feel like things were structured this way just to have someone who's anal retentive babysit me.
I'm sorry I don't use a different colored pen for every day of the week.
All of this is coming to a head, of course, because my dying grandfather told me he's proud of me today. And I really, really, really want to live up that expectation. But no one is letting me. I get menial tasks to do, no assistance so that I can be working on higher priority jobs, and no one has expressed more than passing interest in my professional development.
I hate my job. But I WANT to love it.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Queer solidarity at ACL
While not a strictly library-related post, I wanted to share the wonder that was Karen's and my visit to the Austin City Limits Music Festival--specifically, our front-row experience at the Indigo Girls show.
So, we came up for the festival with pretty much the sole goal of getting as close to the Indigo Girls show as possible. I mean, we live in a desert--literally AND figuratively when it comes to queerdom. We camped out near the front of the stage for Zap Mama, the act right before, and then joined the crush of lesbians who pushed to the front for the Indigo Girls show.
The concert itself was amazing--they knew what their audience wanted (to hear our favorite songs and get to sing along at the top of our lungs) and they delivered. But I really want to talk about the hour that existed in between Zap Mama and the Indigo Girls.
After we secured our spaces (itty bitty ones) as close to the stage as possible, we took a look around. In the words of Karen, "Look at all the lesbians!" Bonding with a few of the girls around us (especially a very cute couple who met in the Navy) we decided an interesting social experiment would be to color-code the crowd....where to the lesbians stop and the gay women start at an Indigo Girls concert, I wonder? It was like a mini-pride experience!
In a world where we have exactly two other lesbian couples to socialize with (and half of one of those couples is my boss) Karen and I often end up forgetting that we are different--special in a good way! It was nice to feel such great solidarity with others who are different. We loved it.
Yay for gay.
So, we came up for the festival with pretty much the sole goal of getting as close to the Indigo Girls show as possible. I mean, we live in a desert--literally AND figuratively when it comes to queerdom. We camped out near the front of the stage for Zap Mama, the act right before, and then joined the crush of lesbians who pushed to the front for the Indigo Girls show.
The concert itself was amazing--they knew what their audience wanted (to hear our favorite songs and get to sing along at the top of our lungs) and they delivered. But I really want to talk about the hour that existed in between Zap Mama and the Indigo Girls.
After we secured our spaces (itty bitty ones) as close to the stage as possible, we took a look around. In the words of Karen, "Look at all the lesbians!" Bonding with a few of the girls around us (especially a very cute couple who met in the Navy) we decided an interesting social experiment would be to color-code the crowd....where to the lesbians stop and the gay women start at an Indigo Girls concert, I wonder? It was like a mini-pride experience!
In a world where we have exactly two other lesbian couples to socialize with (and half of one of those couples is my boss) Karen and I often end up forgetting that we are different--special in a good way! It was nice to feel such great solidarity with others who are different. We loved it.
Yay for gay.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Gay Library in Fort Lauderdale
From American Libraries, September 2007:
At the same time, I understand that queer community sometimes goes a little overboard, and that concerns me as well. We need to balance our pride in how comfortable we are with our sexuality by also being comfortable with so-called "assimilationist" images and accounts of what it means to be queer.
Because after all, we are people first. Aren't we?
The Fort Lauderdale, Florida city commission voted July 10 to permit the gay-oriented Stonewall Library to relocate on city property, despite comments from Mayor Jim Naugle that he was "uncomfortable and shocked" about library material he had seen.I'm not sure I understand all the fuss. I mean, I know, I know--homophobes are everywhere. But I just can't get over people beign so afraid of sex. If you're a healthy, well-balanced human being, seeing images of the act of love should not make you uncomfortable or shocked.
At the same time, I understand that queer community sometimes goes a little overboard, and that concerns me as well. We need to balance our pride in how comfortable we are with our sexuality by also being comfortable with so-called "assimilationist" images and accounts of what it means to be queer.
Because after all, we are people first. Aren't we?
Sunday, September 9, 2007
RIP Madeleine L'Engle
In a great loss to children's literature--and the book-loving world in general--beloved author Madeleine L'Engle has passed away.
I remember loving A Wrinkle In Time growing up; themes from that novel are still with me even today. Her books were those rare treasure that could truly capture and hold one's imagination. I can't say anything that hasn't already been said about this gifted writer...she will be missed.
I remember loving A Wrinkle In Time growing up; themes from that novel are still with me even today. Her books were those rare treasure that could truly capture and hold one's imagination. I can't say anything that hasn't already been said about this gifted writer...she will be missed.
A New Beginning
After a false start a few months ago, I am restarting this blog from scratch. I want it to be a place where I record my adventures in pursuit of my MLIS, my thoughts on education, gay rights librarianship, and how they go hand in hand, book reviews and reading updates, and occasional meandering musings about life in general. Now, doesn't that sound like a blog you'd love to read?
The update begins with a reflection on grad school. I survived Cataloging & Classification this summer, but barely. I now know (though I strongly suspected beforehand) that I am NOT cut out to be a cataloger. Which is just fine with me. I'll run the library someday, and hire someone to worry about where the commas and semicolons go and what gets capitalized and what doesn't. Yes, that sounds like a good plan.
This semester, however, I am excited by both courses I'm taking--yes, that includes Principles of Searching. I think it will be interesting to find out better ways to help people (students) find what they need. And Multimedia Production will just be fascinating, I think. I loved Info Tech last semester and I'm jazzed to learn even more about web design. My creative muse may have found a new outlet!
That's all for now. I'll be back soon and often, I promise!
The update begins with a reflection on grad school. I survived Cataloging & Classification this summer, but barely. I now know (though I strongly suspected beforehand) that I am NOT cut out to be a cataloger. Which is just fine with me. I'll run the library someday, and hire someone to worry about where the commas and semicolons go and what gets capitalized and what doesn't. Yes, that sounds like a good plan.
This semester, however, I am excited by both courses I'm taking--yes, that includes Principles of Searching. I think it will be interesting to find out better ways to help people (students) find what they need. And Multimedia Production will just be fascinating, I think. I loved Info Tech last semester and I'm jazzed to learn even more about web design. My creative muse may have found a new outlet!
That's all for now. I'll be back soon and often, I promise!
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